How to talk about Finances with your spouse?

Discussion in 'The Pavilion' started by Savak, Feb 28, 2021.

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  1. Savak
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    Savak Emerging Player

    Feb 26, 2013
    969
    I have been sending my wife money from Canada to Pakistan every month since our Nikkah in 2019. I have applied to sponsor her but because of Covid, our sponsorship and PR application has been delayed. She has never ever spent any of the money i sent her in the last year and a half, i always encouraged her that its our money and that if she ever needs to spend it for her expenses she is most welcome. She finally recently in the last 12 days started to utilize her debit card which is linked to our joint account in Pakistan.

    I haven't really paid attention to her withdrawing from the ATM for Rs 5 k here or there, or spending for a meal at a restaurant, ice cream place but today she spent Rs 32 k at a grocery store which literally gave me a heart attack. I obviously felt compelled to ask her about it. I didn't ask her aggressively or raise the topic immediately. I waited while asking about her day, how she was doing and 15-20 minutes i decided to ease in to the conversation and asked her what did you spend Rs 32k on at a grocery stroke, that also with a few smilies. I didn't want to ask her in an agree or nasty condescending tone like my sister's husband does with my sister but still it was important that i have this conversation with her.

    She claims she got a gift for a family member and a chocolate. I told her that its my job to provide for her and to keep her happy and then in a light hearted tone also told her to please understand the heart attack i will get if i see a charge of Rs 32k on our card. I then told her that lets reach an agreement that if either of us needs to make a major expensive purchase then we will both keep each other in the loop and seek each others consent, run it by each other.

    How do you guys have this sensitive conversation with your spouses without getting too overtly emotional with your spouse or being nasty, condescending with them at the same time?
     
  2. MNA
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    MNA Smooth Operator

    Mar 11, 2015
    3,489
    oh come on man, its only $250 that literally gave you a heart attack??
     
  3. ShokoTolo_LoloMoto
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    ShokoTolo_LoloMoto Banned

    Apr 16, 2010
    1,757
    I think you shouldn't be getting married. ESPECIALLY arranged marriage.
    Honest suggestion.

    First, you are too late in the game.
    Second, she is 15 years younger than you.

    You are worn out and the mental (and physical) gap is way too big.

    I don't see much of an enjoyable time after the first 90 days.

    Find someone of your own age group, if you REALLY wanna get married, and for sure, do this on your own. Don't involve your family to find a match for you.

    What's the point of making your own and that 15 years younger girl's life miserable?

    You sure sound unfit for this arranged marriage set up.

    You still have time. Take my suggestion and think seriously about it.
     
  4. Disco Lemonade
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    Disco Lemonade Design Artist

    Dec 17, 2009
    5,916
    Savak lets be frank, you gave her the debit card without a disclaimer, so you should be prepared for a mini heart attach like that.

    in any case, you have now informed her that you guys need to mutually decide an expensive purchase, should have done that before handing it over to her.

    regarding finances, i think you need to be very open, clear, and transparent of your earnings and savings with your wife and your plans with your savings and should always ask for her plans and aspirations. ladies in my opinion have a very small world even the ones who have exposure, so please understand that you will have to make her understand your point of view and the larger picture.

    hope i am able to make myself understand.
     
  5. Disco Lemonade
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    Disco Lemonade Design Artist

    Dec 17, 2009
    5,916
    secondly we are living in 2021, when you say its your job to provide for her, it sounds very cringe. the phrase should be that we both need to support each other, financially and emotionally.
     
  6. s_h_a_f
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    s_h_a_f Moderator

    Dec 26, 2011
    8,604
    You sound stingy.

    And why are you on a public forum disclosing her spending habits??
     

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