Is it a smart choice to have FOUR wives?

Discussion in 'The Pavilion' started by Del, Feb 4, 2019.

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  1. Del
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    Del Cornered Tiger

    Dec 21, 2016
    10,923
    According to the Holy Qur'an, it is possible for a man to marry at the maximum four wives at the same time.

    http://tanzil.net/#trans/en.qarai/4:3

    Islam has specific rules and guidelines for those who have more than one wife, in which the most important of them is to be nice and just with all of them. The Holy Quran says:

    http://tanzil.net/#trans/en.qarai/4:3

    As you can see, the Quran says to marry only one even if you fear that you can't be just, let alone be certain. That's because it is very difficult to be fair to all and secondly, the man should pay dowry to a woman to marry her.

    That said, in today's tough financial times, one should be more than happy if he can shoulder responsibly of a wife and kids, so how on earth people can even think to have FOUR wives - not to mention kids from those wife's. How will you financially support FOUR families and their expenses?

    Do you think its a wise move in today's world to have multiple wives.

    Thoughts?
     
  2. godzilla
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    godzilla Talented

    May 12, 2016
    2,587
    I was talking to a guy who specialises in matrimonial events in the uk, has a fifteen year track record and apparently has helped 10,000 isn marriages to take place. he said that he has been receiving far more incoming enquiries for polygamous marriages by .... not men, but women.

    his explanation was that in the modern world, calls for equality and the right to work has resulted in far more independent women. in addition, there have been increased divorce rates over the past couple fo decades as compared to before then. that has resulted in a growing demographic of women who are divorced with children, who are used to their independence and their chosen routine for their lives and the choices they have made for raising their children. as a result, there are a growing number of these types of women who would rather have a companion, but not sacrifice their freedoms and routines, and so polygamous marriages seem to suit their needs. he also said there is a low take up of these offers,

    in western culture I guess this kind of phenomenon is catered for by an increased discussion of polyamory.

    before usual secular apologists and new atheists start spouting their myopic childish rants against traditional philosophies, it bears considering the facts of what happens in the world. adultery is not only widespread, predominantly considered to be men cheating rather than women based on psychological gender differences, but its is thought of as being perfectly acceptable in much of the countries where it is practiced:

    https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/adultery-countries-most-unfaithful-5188791
     
  3. Del
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    Del Cornered Tiger

    Dec 21, 2016
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    I think this is bound to happen with working women in western societies specially. Because they can support themselves and make their decision - no wonder ladies dont want to jeopardize their freedom and routine, hence high rate of divorce.

    I was reading it somewhere that before Islam, polygamy was considered normal and lacked any rules or limitations. As one of man’s essential needs, Islam has limited it, giving it specific conditions and terms. Islamic laws are all based on true needs and the benefit of society as a whole. The following needs are undeniable in society where people live in:

    1- Men are a lot more prone to death than women are, that being a result of wars and other incidents that take place for them.

    2- Men’s sexual urge lasts longer than women’s.

    3- During their menstrual period and some of the time that they are pregnant, women aren’t allowed to have any intercourse, while men never have any prohibition in their lives whatsoever.

    4- There are always women who for whatever reasons have lost their husbands, and in the case of the prohibition of polygamy, they usually have to remain widows for the rest of their lives.

    These factors cause an imbalance between men and women, and in order for society to stay healthy, there are three things that can be done:

    a) Men must be satisfied with only one wife, and widows need to stay widows for the rest of their lives and suppress all of their inner needs and feelings.

    b) Men can only have one lawful wife, but can also have illegitimate sexual relationships with other women who have lost their husbands.

    c) Men who have the ability to manage more than one wife, without any financial, physical or moral problems coming up, and can be just towards all of their wives and children, are permitted to marry more than one wife.

    Out of the three, Islam has chosen the third. Also, there are many reasons behind why Islam doesn’t allow polygamy for women, such as:

    1- Such a matter is in complete contrast with the nature of women.

    2- The health of the future generation will be endangered.

    3- The real parents of many children will be mixed up and unknown, and many other reasons.
     
  4. Mohan
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    Mohan Formerly 'Captain Clutch'

    Nov 4, 2014
    3,990
    Actually the guy should be thinking if it's a smart choice to have four mother in laws :D
     
  5. isaacking
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    isaacking Talented

    Jul 16, 2010
    2,212
    Divine law shouldn't be judge on base of any given time frame.

    Someone time marring only one could not be wise move.

    Current times or past are more of social indicator.

    Institution of marriage is build on human nature and personal ethics not on social indicators.



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  6. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
    25,198
    @Del ALLAH also says in Quran that he knows you won't do justice

    so basically its allowed to marry up to 4 at a time but its advised not to as a normal person wont be able to perform equality among the wives and do justice.
     
  7. Fireworks11
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    Fireworks11 Kaptaan

    Sep 22, 2012
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    If you’re filthy rich, then yes. Hence why Arabs have multiple wives.
     
  8. Mohsin
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    Mohsin Cornered Tiger

    Feb 21, 2010
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    Kuch logo kelie tho aik samhaalna mushkil hai, unn kelie 4 barbaadi hogi.
     
  9. isaacking
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    isaacking Talented

    Jul 16, 2010
    2,212
    Sir you are giving wrong sense/meaning to the Quranic Verse, please refrain.

    Quran say
    "And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice]." (An-Nisaa verse 3)

    It doesn't say anywhere that "he knows you won't do justice", it simple orders us to be careful/fearful of not being unjust to anyone of the wives.
     
  10. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
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    continue reading that surah and you will find that verse.
     
  11. isaacking
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    isaacking Talented

    Jul 16, 2010
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    @Patriot please quote it, when you misquote Quran then please do take effort to quote the verse with reference.

    Vague reference in regards to Quran is injustice in itself.
     
  12. KingOfDoosra
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    KingOfDoosra Sultan of Swing

    Jun 8, 2012
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    You have to understand this 4 wives allowance or whatever you want to call it came as a hadd (a limit) as the juhaal amongst the Arabs used to have 10-20 wives. In fact it was a common culture to have multiple wives during the pre-Islamic era.

    It is reported that Sulayman (aleyhis salam) had 999 wives, not sure how factually correct this is, but again the point is you have to look at the verse in its context.

    Today people think 4 wives are too many due to various reasons, this is why Allah mentioned, "but if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one."
     
  13. isaacking
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    isaacking Talented

    Jul 16, 2010
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    @KingOfDoosra : please don't ascribing stuff to Quranic Verse merely to sound rite.

    Quran is not meant to justify our thinking, it our thinking which needs to align with Quran. If one want to marry 4 & be tested so be it as Quran allows us that opportunity.
     
  14. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
    25,198
    did you read the verse posted before ?

    how can any normal human being be 100% sure of doing justice and treating his wives equally. No NORMAL human being can be sure of something like that. Read the Verse again and hence its advised to marry 1 not up to 4 because even an ounce of injustice and inequality will cost the person a lot come judgement day.
     
  15. KingOfDoosra
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    KingOfDoosra Sultan of Swing

    Jun 8, 2012
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    Lol brother, I never said it is a command to marry one if you can't treat them right.
     
  16. isaacking
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    isaacking Talented

    Jul 16, 2010
    2,212
    @KingOfDoosra : you said "Today people think 4 wives are too many due to various reasons, this is why Allah mentioned, "but if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one."

    Which mean that Quran is align with our thinking & i believe that is not the case.

    @Patriot : First quote the verse which I was suppose to find while reading An-Nisaa stating "he knows you won't do justice" or accept that you misquoted Quran.

    To your other foolish statement let me remind you that many people of past and few from present do have more then 1 wife and trust me all are "Normal Human" none of them are superman or Ironman.

    Also be inform that now days most people like to have more than 1 Girlfriend to satisfy their desire which they find easy but it is sinful in Islam.

    Allah know man better then man himself hence allowance of more then one wife & the condition to be just among your wives is a precaution for surety that the Woman is not treated like a object of sex(keep).
     
  17. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
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    time to put you on block.
     
  18. KingOfDoosra
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    KingOfDoosra Sultan of Swing

    Jun 8, 2012
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    Nothing wrong with what I said. If people think 4 is too many then marry one.
     
  19. isaacking
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    isaacking Talented

    Jul 16, 2010
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    @KingOfDoosra ; No issue with last statement but previous one meant something very wrong.
     
  20. isaacking
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    isaacking Talented

    Jul 16, 2010
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    Forget about block just be worried very worried for misquoting Quran.

    May Allah forgive you.
     
  21. Del
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    Del Cornered Tiger

    Dec 21, 2016
    10,923
    @isaacking @Patriot @KingOfDoosra

    Guys there is no question that does Islam allows it or not, question is in today's world it is a wise move to pursue towards it?

    Yes, for super crazy rich Arab's its okay, but I dont think its the same for average person, specially in Pakistan - yet it happens often.

    Also, being financial strong is only one aspect, usually age difference in such marriages is huge. I have literally seen 50+ years old man getting married (third time) with 28 years old girl.
    Dont want to say anything anymore, aga app log khud samajdar hain ...
     
  22. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
    25,198
    my main concern is treating all the wives equally ? which makes me wonder if a human being can ever do that, I mean even parents can't love their children equally theres always one more favorite than the other
     
  23. Del
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    Del Cornered Tiger

    Dec 21, 2016
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    Of curse, I was talking to Maulve Sahab of my mosque and he said, you need to give the following to every wife:

    Same house
    Same living standard/style
    Same car(s)
    Same everything.

    In fact, if you guy a dress for one then its a must for you to buy the same dress for other(s), no matter if they need it or not.
     
  24. iho
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    iho Smooth Operator

    Aug 7, 2010
    4,300
    If the law of the country allows and then there is nothing wrong in marrying more than one wife. Islam allows it for some wisdom. The man needs to make sure he does his best to be just and equal with all. In Pakistan, there are millions of unmarried or widowed girls and women who have no one to take care of or they cannot find a suitable man to marry. If culturally it becomes acceptable then lots of these problems will be resolved. Men would be more content to even marry widows because there will not be many virgin women available to marry.
     
  25. Del
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    Del Cornered Tiger

    Dec 21, 2016
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    We all are in agreement of it, however, the biggest question is on "do justice with all wives". As I have quoted in OP.

    Icing on the cake, Pakistan's economic situation isnt that great, wherein people are hardly able to meet both ends. So this is the biggest question - can you afford to have multiple families?

    Secondly age difference, which I have elaborated in # 21.

    Of course, if you're wealthy and age is on your side then by all means. But even then I think you need to have consensuses with your other wives before you do it again.
     
  26. iho
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    iho Smooth Operator

    Aug 7, 2010
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    I believe we are all in agreement. Only eligible men (both physically and financially) should marry more than one wife. If one can't fulfill the needs of one woman then obviously one cannot justify marrying another one. Doing justice with all is between Man and his Allah. Ones conscious is enough to tell him if he will be able to do justice to more than one woman.
     
  27. Del
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    Del Cornered Tiger

    Dec 21, 2016
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    I second you, but its a shame that people (specially in Pakistan) dont realize it.

    Let alone civilians, people like Aamir Liaquat "The religious scholar", have done it and was also urging others to do it. Which has irked many ladies in the country.

    Icing on the cake, he had all the valid reasons to justify his 2nd marriage and when somebody asked him and his wife age difference then both were ashamed.

    I get the impression that his wife only did it so that he can use him as stepping stone to come in the media.
     
  28. iho
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    iho Smooth Operator

    Aug 7, 2010
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    BTW, it's not always men in Pakistani society who are the oppressors. There are many women who mentally abuse their husbands for materialistic things like a bigger house, better car, expensive clothes. From an Islamic perspective, all men need to provide is shelter, food, clothes, love & proper upbringing of kids. Today's women demand lot more from men. Once marrying more than one woman becomes culturally acceptable then those women will also start behaving properly with their husbands who today take their husbands for granted.
     
  29. isaacking
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    isaacking Talented

    Jul 16, 2010
    2,212
    @Patriot being just doesn't mean equal loving.

    There are hadith stating that Prophet(saws) use to love Aisha (ra) more than other wives.

    None among us will say that it was unjust.

    We are clearing discussing something that most of us are not clear about.

    Implementing our think on Divine law is sinful.

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  30. Del
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    Del Cornered Tiger

    Dec 21, 2016
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    Excellent point. I think its because ladies compare themselves with their peer's, relatives, neighbors etc. And in this race they totally become blind and keep on pressure their husband, which is a shame.

    I think its a general issue with the society, because majority do it.
     
  31. KingOfDoosra
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    KingOfDoosra Sultan of Swing

    Jun 8, 2012
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    Why were you asking your local Maulvi sahib about 4 wives? Sab khayr hai?
     
  32. Del
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    Del Cornered Tiger

    Dec 21, 2016
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    Alhumdullah - all is well, I actually know somebody (in Pakistan) who is about to do it 4th time. So I was puzzled - it just doesn't make sense to me keeping his age and financial background in mind.

    I failed to see any rational.
     
  33. Don Corleone
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    Don Corleone Kaptaan

    Jul 20, 2012
    29,447
    Why would any sane person in this day and age even entertain the thought of having four wives?
     
  34. ComradeVenom
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    ComradeVenom Tracer Bullet

    Jul 24, 2012
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    One is hard work never mind four.
     
  35. Mercenary
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    Mercenary The Lone Wolf

    Dec 17, 2009
    16,690
    I've seen that theory put forward as well but it doesn't really fit the facts. Islam only placed limits on the number of women that can be kept as wives, not the number of women a man can keep to have intimate relations with.

    For example, a man of sufficient means can have 4 wives and a limitless number of female slaves. This was the case for the majority of Islamic history. The harem has been made infamous in western culture as a sign of the decadence of the Islamic Empires of the past.

    It's only since non-Islamic powers in recent times have banned slavery with sanctions/ostracisation for any states that practice it that slavery has pretty much been wiped out. Despite that many Arab states still bring in people from poorer nations and confiscate their passports and basically treat them like slaves. They just dont call it slavery anymore. It's more indentured labour now.

    Anyway getting back to the topic. If the theory that Islam limited wives to only 4 because before Islam it was limitless is true (I dont find it to be convincing), then that's actually a bad thing.

    What that theory suggests is that before Islam if a man wanted 10 women and could afford them, he had to give all 10 of them the full rights of wives. The same man post Islam can only give full rights to 4 women and has to keep the other 6 as slaves without the rights of a wife. Or he has to divorce one or all of the 4 he already has. It puts women in a worse position.
     
  36. isaacking
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    isaacking Talented

    Jul 16, 2010
    2,212
    Slavery didn't start with Islam.
    History prove that female slaves were used by romans,jews and Christians as a prostitute.

    So better not blame Muslim man only for having harem when western history is too soft on non muslim brothels.

    Islam place high value on giving/securing freedom for slave framing the idea of equality of human, western world just woken up to the same idea in 20th century.

    In Pakistan,india and even in western world ppl are still treated as bonded slave. So pionting only Arabs for their wrong is bigotry of high standards.

    Apologity Muslims must read and understand Islam, history and meaning of Divine law. That might help them to stop pinning wrongz of muslim on Islam, hopefully.


    P.s: it won't happen for they will come swinging with their baseless whataboutery like always.

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  37. Mercenary
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    Mercenary The Lone Wolf

    Dec 17, 2009
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    So your whole post is whataboutery. What about the Romans, what about the Jews, what about the Christians, what about Pakistan, what about India, what about the western world. Then you accuse other people of whataboutery?

    Rather than whataboutery and deflecting to other Empires who kept slaves. Why not stay within the context of the discussion? Slavery was wrong when the Roman and Jews and Christians did it as well. Bonded labour is wrong when Pakistan, India and the western world do it as well.

    Now let's get back to the context. In Islam slavery isn't a social construct or a need of the hour. It's a right made halal by Allah and His Prophet for all time. That's why ISIS took slaves. That's why a future Islamic state or Caliphate can and possibly will re-introduce slavery.

    So you equate having harems or the keeping of women as slaves for sexual purposes to brothels and prostitutes? You do realise you have just referred to the early muslims as keepers of prostitutes and brothels, right? I don't think you have thought your post through properly.
     
  38. isaacking
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    isaacking Talented

    Jul 16, 2010
    2,212
    I knew that discussion with foolish, ignorant and apologity muslim is useless, still...

    I informed u that slavery didn't started with Islam, harem was like brothel and have no issue in saying so.

    My post was to ask u, like always to READ and UNDERSTAND DIVINE LAW, sorry my mistake for this whataboutery to really trying to help u.

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  39. Patriot
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    Patriot Kaptaan

    Oct 8, 2014
    25,198
    one is hard ? bc here I dont even have 1

    smh @Red Devil @maddgenius
     
  40. Mercenary
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    Mercenary The Lone Wolf

    Dec 17, 2009
    16,690
    You haven't changed. Same old weak whataboutery without any substance and then resort to personal attacks when exposed.
     

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